HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!!!!!

  Dearest Matthew Bruce Dill,
 
I wanted to thank you! Thank you, for making my biggest, most important dream come true. Six years ago today you made that dream come true. You made me a mother! You made me the proudest mamma on the planet. Oh Matthew, you are the most amazing son a mother could ask for. You are a fireball (just like your hair color). Your sparkling blue eyes are always looking for adventure and are full of imagination. You are kind, considerate, and are the best big brother I have ever seen. You do as I ask every time without wining or disobeying...almost all the time. I am so, so proud of you. You have become the most amazing young man. I can't believe you are turning six today. It feels like just yesterday I brought you home from the hospital. You are so precious and so loved by so many. I can't wait to see what the next six years and so on bring. But please slow down, you are growing up too fast! I love you for eternity little man!

"All the love I have to give, I give to you!"

-Anonymous-

Love,
Mommy

P.S. I wrote this letter in your favorite color....RED! ;-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goings on and such

 

 

 

Well it's been almost a month since my last post and I said I would blog something happier next time, so here it goes...finally! ;-P

A lot has happened and these pictures are all out of order but I don't have the time, nor the patience to fix them. Matthew started T-ball for the first time! He absolutely LOVES it and he is really, really good at it! His coach actually gets a little upset when he misses a game (the only time he misses any games is Sunday). But, he is very understanding about the whole, "no baseball on Sunday" thing. The coach has him "pitching" almost every game. Anyways, enough bragging, hehehehe.

For Valentines Day Matthew's class had a fun party with ice cream sundaes. Mmmmmm! The girls had a blast too.

 

 

And of course we made homemade Valentines for Daddy. It will definitely be tradition from now on. The kids had so much fun! We also continued our new tradition of making heart shaped homemade pizza! It was definitely one of the best Valentine's Days we've had.

 Up next we had Payton's birthday party. I can't believe she is already 2! Where has the time gone? We had her party the same day as AnnMarie's baby blessing (I don't have time to find those pictures...sorry).

The birthday girl cheesing it up!

 We randomly went to Mt. Scott and "hiked." I didn't do much hiking since I was holding a newborn and it was kind of difficult to maneuver with her. But I did get some fun pics of everyone else having a blast and climbing all over boulders. It kind of reminded me of when I was a kid. My parents would take us kids to a place called "City of Rocks" in New Mexico. We would play ball tag on top of the boulders. It was very fun...and dangerous. LOL! 

 On the way home from hiking we saw this tank and just HAD to get pictures of it. Ha ha ha!

 Hopefully this video works, but it is Matthews first ever school performance. He was so adorable. The program was about the different seasons, and his class performed "winter." If you here a baby crying through the video and if the video is bouncy....um sorry about that but I was holding the baby while Nathan was running around after Payton. It was kind of a crazy night. ;-P.

Hope you enjoyed some happy and fun memories. Ever since Nathan quit one of his jobs, we have had a lot more time to make tons of happy memories! So happy he is home! Now if only I could get used to sleeping with him (the 7 years we've been married, he has worked nights), things would be pretty close to perfect. 

Broken

This blog is more serious and not really about the kids so read at your own risk! LOL!


 I am not very good with words but I feel like writing might help me feel better so here is my sad attempt. A lot has been on my mind the last few weeks. I have been extremely hard on myself too. Our little family is going through an extremely hard time financially as well, which has added to the stress I've been accumulating. I have also been humbled deeply! I did not know I needed to be humbled, but a loving Heavenly Father knew I did.
 
   I have not been the best mother, or wife (this is the being hard on myself part). But it is partly true. My husband is my best friend yet lately I have treated him like worse than a stranger. I am not rude or mean to him. In fact I hardly talk to him at all. When he asks me if I'm "OK" or if "anything is wrong," I give him the same response...which is, "I'm fine." But I don't feel fine. And, I have been pushing him away. And I didn't know why....Now I know but I will get to that later.
  I was also pushing my kids aside, and feeling annoyed and burdened by them. Some times I even doubted that I loved them at all. I yelled at them all day about every little thing and kept telling me to just leave me alone. I didn't want them around me...and again I didn't know why. But now I do.
  I was feeling overwhelmed too, like I couldn't catch my breath. Then I kind of stopped functioning. Instead of taking care of my home and my children (and even myself), I was on Facebook, wasting the days. Then one day during one of my "escape episodes," I came across a blog (click here http://www.themomentswestand.blogspot.com/). This blogged completely opened my eyes and gave me my "aha" moment!

  First I was humbled and I know I did not stumble across that blog by accident! Second, I realized I really did not love myself or even like myself. I was humbled by understanding that there are worse things in the world that can happen to me besides bankruptcy, or even turning 30. This woman that I read about found beauty in world that was dark. She went to hell and back and became stronger through it. And here I was, falling apart because my stomach sags a little (not the whole reason but you get the point I hope). After doing A LOT of thinking I realized why I did not love myself. And, why I was pushing my family aside. Those two actually go hand in hand with each other. I will explain...

 I came to realize that it is really hard to love others when you do not first love yourself. 

Wow I saved this blog post and it published before I finished. LOL! Thanks for the comments though. I will finish the rest now. ;-)

I have been observing other moms and saw the way they interact with their children. And it made my heart break because I don't feel I interact the same way. I don't feel like I say, "I love you" enough, I don't read or sing to them, I don't hug them enough or give them enough kisses. And my patience has been WAY to short. And I get angry too easily. It then hit me that I was becoming the mom I never wanted to be (which is my biggest fear!). That's when I was starting to feel broken. So I felt inspired to read my patriarchal blessing. And over and over they same phrase kept popping up all over. "Pray to you Father in Heaven..." And that is when it REALLY hit me! Wow when did I stop praying? That shield was gone no wonder Satan was so close. I completely let him in by not communicating to my loving Heavenly Father. Not only did I let Satan in but I let him make me believe that I wasn't good enough! And he made something so simple as dropping to my knees and bowing my head, seem impossible. Well not anymore! When I had my first child I promised I would be the Mother that I never had. And thanks to an amazing wake up call and some much needed humbling, I am being the mom I have always wanted to be. Things aren't perfect and that's okay. I still lose my temper once in a while, but I don't raise my voice in anger anymore. And to me that is a HUGE deal...because I used to yell...a LOT!
  I have definitely learned great lessons the past few weeks.
 1. PRAY ALWAYS: Heavenly Father loves ME. And no problem is too small or big for His listening ear.
 2. I am a good mother and wife, I just have to take off Satan's blindfold and see it. I need to listen to that still small voice that tells me I am doing a good job.
 3. Everyone has their problems, nobody is perfect, and I need to stop comparing myself to others.
 4. My children were sent to ME. And no one else. I have the privilege to raise some AMAZING daughters and son of God and I MUST teach them where they come from and that they are loved (because that is something I did not feel very much as a child).

So that is my crazy rambling. I don't need any sympathy. I am doing great! I just wanted show my growing experience. Thanks for reading. ;-)

MY LOVES!

Catching Up

So the last blog I posted was way back in April of last year and I said I would post about Matthew's 5th birthday..... thanks so much for not holding your breath for that post....because you would be dead. Ha, ha, ha. So without further ado here are some pictures of his 5th birthday. He wanted a superhero themed birthday but it was a sad attempt. The best I could do was the super hero cake and even that was a stretch. And the reason you might you ask why it was such a pathetic party? That's because I was newly pregnant, exhausted, and nauseous!

 

Here is my first "baby bump" picture, this was actually taken shortly before Matthew's party and I was only 4 weeks pregnant and already showing that much!

 

And these are our family/gender reveal pictures. Luckily I only gained 31 pounds this pregnancy and is the record for least amount of weight gained during a pregnancy (for me). This pregnancy was by far the best one yet. And a great one to end on. I worked out during the first month, skipped months 2 and 3, and from month 4 until 9 I exercised daily until the end. And, because of that (thank you Carrie Randall by the way for helping through the whole pregnancy and letting me workout at your gym!), I had an extremely easy labor and delivery!  

 (The sign says "We're Tickled Pink!")

 



 So the year went on and my beautiful princess Turned 4 and we had an AMAZING princess party! I guess I felt like I needed to make up for Matthew's party. That, and this was my failed attempt to get my daughter to stop sucking her thumb and pulling out her hair. It worked for a little while then she relapsed when we had the baby. :-(

 (Belle's roses)

white chocolate covered strawberries

 (Cinderella's glass slippers)

Jell-O Jigglers 

 (Snow White's dress made from cupcakes)

 



 Cinderella's carriage

 

 

 

 

Then after Kylie's birthday party, came Halloween and Thanksgiving (sorry no pictures...they were both uneventful anyways, I blame it on the pregnancy). So, here comes Christmas and I am almost 9 months pregnant. So what do I do? Take on a big craft and decide to make stockings from scratch. I started them at the beginning of December and finally finished them on Christmas Eve, Eve. Ha! Either way it was probably the best Christmas we Dill's have ever had. It was definitely a humbling experience and full of love and the spirit of Christ was better appreciated this time around.

 

 

...AND 8 DAYS LATER!!!! Here comes miss AnnMarie Lynn Dill who decided to arrive 2 weeks early and during extremely cold weather. But, she is beautiful and is the best baby. So easy and sleeps great...now (we had our days and nights mixed up for a little while there). She eats like a champ and has the sweetest little spirit. I think her older sister Payton is most smitten by her. Payton never lets her out of her sight and tries to "help" mommy every chance she gets!

 AnnMarie in her blessing gown and bonnet (which I made). I didn't make the flower barrette though, a friend of mine makes them and she is super talented. Check out her shop on Etsy:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/LottieandMouse?ref=search_shop_redirect

So that is our year in a nut shell. Of course a lot more has happened but with a 2 month old in my arms, I hardly have time. I am also doing this with one hand and I still have to make dinner. I will try to do better this year with blogging. Especially with all that will be going on this year, plus I still need to post pics of Paytons second birthday! Well the baby wants to eat so.....:-)