There has been a lot on my mind as of late, normally I would post these things on Facebook. But this time the post would be WAY too long, so I figured I would blog it. Since the horrible massacre at Newtown, Connecticut, I have had a really hard time with what happened at that elementary school. I've never been this emotional over something like this. Yes, I get sad and feel bad for the victims. But, usually, by the end of the week, life goes on and I feel fine. This time however, I cried all day Friday (since the moment I found out), I cried myself to sleep, and on and off from Saturday to today, I have broke down. I don't know what has caused this emotion I have a few ideas though. First, I could be PMSing. Second, Matthew is about the same age as some of those beautiful children and it hit me that it could've happened in this nice small sweet town of New Castle and he could've been taken from me. Third, it is possible that I'm prego and really hormonal (doubt that I am though, so don't get all excited because we aren't even trying, LOL). And, fourth I keep picturing those parents not being with their child. Not being able to hug and kiss their babies. Not being able to see them on Christmas morning and their expressions of excitment while ripping open their presents. It is truly devistating to me. Now I am starting to drag on so I will get to the point before I start crying again. Today was the first day kids went back to school since the shooting. For some reason I am feeling like I was part of the shooting and that I also lost children that day. So, I was a nerveous wreck since he left our van and walked into the school (and yes I held up the line and watched until he was inside). When I went to pick him up after school let out, I felt much better. I was still sad, but better. And the thing with me is I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. And what happened next proves this. As the teachers started bringing our kids to our vehicles I was so overwhelmed. The teacher that brought Matthew to our van noticed me through the window. Instead of leaving as soon as Matthew got into the van she lingered a bit to see if everything was okay (I wasn't crying...yet). Then, without warning, Matthew gave me the biggest, tightest hug EVER (which are usually few and far between). I hugged him back and got EXTREMELY choked up. The teacher was still watching this and then told me, "Definitely needed one of those today, huh!?" I was so choked up I could'nt respond, so I just nodded. Then she said, "They are such sweet kids." I completely agreed. Matthew always seems to sense or notice when I need those sweet hugs. I also wanted to thank her for her sweetness and for everything she does as a teacher, but I had the biggest lump in throat ever! But, I think she got the message (because of the whole heart on sleeve thing. LOL). That whole exprerience helped me out so much. I love how Heavenly Father shows his love through children. I really needed that hug from Matthew and He knew that. Now I feel I will be okay. No more crazy woman. LOL! I know this all may sound strange, but I really needed to let this out.
