Sorry ahead of time for this post. I just need to vent. So if you aren't in the mood for my word vomit (as my friend Shanilee would call it, LOL :) ), then don't read.....
My sour mood all started last night as I was doing some research online. You see, I have three beautiful children (all of whom I am extremely greatful for). Some of you readers know that my last baby, Payton, my six month old, caused my body some harm. I tell every one that I am built to give birth to babies and that I am so not built to carry them! I have been induced with all three of my children because of my petit frame (in other words I HAVE NO ROOM). With Payton I developed Diastasis Recti. In lamens terms, My stomach muscles have separated completely. In fact, you can fit a little more than two fingers in between my muscles (I just measured last night). The only way to fix it, is with a tummy tuck. Which is cosmetic surgery. For those of you that don't have this problem....all I can say is that it SUCKS! It hurts my stomach when I bend over sometimes, and My back hurts because my muscles aren't there to support my pelvis and spine. Which causes me to have bad posture and will eventually cause my spine to curve. After doing the research I have come to find out that because it is a cosmetic surgery, most if not all insurance companies will not cover the correction. No matter the problems they cause, they simply won't cover it because it happens to a lot of women and because it doesn't cause any significant health issues. So pretty much I have to deal with it or pay about 7K out of our pocket! And, to top it off, I still want to have one more child. So I keep agonizing! Do I destroy my body more for one more spirit in this world? Or, do be selfish and stop now? And, this condition causes my belly to bulge and causes extra fat and extra skin to hang out. So, naturally I am absolutely disgusted when I look in the mirror. Yet, it could all be fixed by one surgery. If only I were rich right? :(
Anyways, on top of all this self image crap, I have a sink full of week old nasty dishes, two dirty kids room to clean, a nasty dining room that needs to be sand blasted because it's covered in so much filth, laundry needs to be done, the back porch needs to cleaned, I need to vacuum, organize the linen closet, give the baby a bath, pick up Matthew from school, wash the windows, tell Kylie for the MILLIONTH time to STOP SUCKING HER FINGER AND STOP TWIRLING HER HAIR!!! I also need to clean out the fridge, clean the counter tops, clean the kids bathroom, and plan Kylie's birthday (which is three or four weeks). And, it's already 1:00 and I STILL HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER....... IN THREE DAYS!!!! It is soo one of those overwhelming days that I just want to throw in the towel and eat chocolate ice cream ALL day!!!!!! Oh and cry! Sorry for the rant, but I sooooo needed to get that out.
2 comments:
Oh my sweetheart...it does feel good to vent but yet you are still left with everything you just listed. It may not help to say it, but I have been there. Maybe you could make a list of 3 projects to get done each day and it may take a week or more but eventually it will all get done. Houses with kids are not always pretty. It is something I have to tell myself daily. As for the body image....poo. I can't stand my own stomach and it doesn't seem fair that we are having babies and following our divine callings and then have such yucky consequences. I have just invested in some shapewear and will wait until tummy tucks are on sale;) Hang in there!! You are never alone!
You could get a c-section with the next kid and a tummy tuck at the same time - would it be covered if it was a "c-section?" I don't know. I'm sorry about it all, it sounds painful, but never, ever feel selfish for wanting to stop having kids. If you're body can't do it anymore then it can't do it. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves as women in the church to have children and if we stop with only a couple then we're somehow being selfish. It's a personal decision and if the Lord really wants you to have another one he will make the way possible for you. Just take care of you so you can be the best momma to your already adorable three kids. :)
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