Heavenly Father's little/big reminders

Today I am thankful for Heavenly Father's way of reminding us of how small some of our problems really are. As of late, I have been stressed out (to the point of having panic attacks), over something I now realize is really, really, stupid...and very small! That reminder happened today. I will tell you the story...it's a little long, but worth the read (I think).
  Most people who know me, know how much our family has been struggling financially. My husband and I finally learned some hard lessons and have been prepared to start a new adventure (which will hopefully end our struggle, if all goes well). Most of you know that we have officially started an inflatable rental business, Dilland (pronounced Dill Land) Inflatables, LLC. In order to start up this business we cashed out Nathan's old 401K from his previous job. That money was just sitting there so we decided to use it! One of the things on our list to purchase was a gas/money efficient car for Nathan to drive to work. Well, last night Nathan went online and found a sweet looking Honda Civic for only $2500 (we later found out that the sellers wife accidently posted the wrong price, but he decided to honor the posted price for us...they were really nice people). The car gets about 30-32 m/per gallon and only takes about $26 to fill up. The best money saver car we've ever purchased! It will be saving us about $200.00 a month. So, we were thrilled to find it. The car had only been posted on craigslist for an hour and Nathan was the first to call (in fact while on the phone, others were trying to make a deal with the owner).
  So, today, in the pouring rain, we set out to test drive this little car. We got to the owners beautiful house and I decided to wait in the car with all four crazy littles.  A minute later Nathan came running to my window and said, "Hey they said you can take the kids inside and wait while I test drive the car." Before I could answer, the older two were sprinting down the driveway and Nathan was unbuckling Payton. So, I got the baby and made a run for it into the nice home.
  The wife of the owner was so welcoming, nice, and really upbeat-happy. Nathan left and we started chatting (it was as if we already knew each other). The kids warmed up to this woman, who we found out was named Aren. I loved the way she just stood and listened to my children as if every word they said was extremely important and she cared about everything they talked about. Even Kylie was talking her ear off!!!! For those of you who know Kylie, know how shy she is. And, most people don't get to see the real her (she is such a chatter box!). She never just opens up to strangers, like she did with Aren. And Aren hung on to every word, and was so genuine. She was so interested....I was in kind of a shock. She was also really interested in AnnMarie. I noticed how she kept staring at her and smile this huge smile.
  Well Kylie started naming all of her friends in her pre-k class, "...then there's Bella and Baylee..." And, then, I saw Aren's eyes get wide with excitement and she said, "My two girls are named Bella and Baylee. Bella never leaves her room though and Baylee died when she was a baby."
!!!!!!!!!My heart dropped! Like and idiot I stared at her with a blank face. That is one of my biggest fear, was losing a child. Well Aren wasn't finished speaking.
"Yeah she died in the bombing." (the OKC bombing in 1995).
I wanted to cry right there but all I did was stare. The first thing that came to mind when she said that was this photo that was so popular every where:

 

Then my heart really broke with the next words that came from her mouth...

"You know that popular picture with the firefighter holding the baby? That was my little Baylee."

After she said that, my stupidity came spilling out of my mouth and all I could say was,

 "Seriously? That was seriously your baby....that is so sad..........." Then nothing, I was speechless! Why couldn't I be more affectionate? Yeah, face meet palm!

Anyways, Aren could see that I couldn't speak, so she started talking about Baylee.

  "That bombing happened the day after her first birthday. Yeah, I was so worried about SARS going around. Then I finally let her go back and then the bombing happened and she died." 

  She said this all the while looking at my baby (who is almost a year old).  All I could think of was how heart breaking this was and here she was. So happy, upbeat, and so, so nice (not an ounce of bitterness). I see now why she loved being around my kids and talking to them and loving each word they said. You never know if/when you are going to lose a loved one, especially your children.

  At that very moment I realized how little my problems really were. What a reminder this experience was. Here this woman who lost her child in a bombing, her picture was posted everywhere as a reminder, and she was so happy. I am so blessed and thankful to have met this amazing daughter of God. I hope I can be half as amazing and generous as she is.

 

And if I could say one thing to her sweet little Baylee it would be: that you have an awesome Mom and Dad. And you have such a sweet little brother. I am so glad I got to meet your amazing family. And, I am so grateful to have learned more about you. I have seen your picture many times. It breaks my heart to see it. But, I know you are in Heaven looking down at your family with tears of joy. Knowing how great they are and how well they are doing. Your story and your mother have touched me deeply and I thank you with my whole heart. I hope to meet you in person some day after I die and give you the biggest hug I can muster. Rest in peace sweet little baby angel Baylee. :-)

Moms

This one will be short (I don't want to offend any of my moms by getting into specifics). I am thankful for every mother I have, who has helped me in one way or another. For bringing me into this world, raising me with the best of your abilities, keeping me on the straight and narrow, and for all of your wise advise. Thanks for being examples to me and helping me become the person I am today. I love each one of you. You all mean the world to me! I am so thankful I have so many mothers in my life and I love you so very much.

Kathleen

My beautiful, beautiful sister! Oh how I prayed and prayed and begged for you! Then you came and I was so happy!!! I loved helping you in the morning when you were a baby. I loved spinning you around and around. I loved giving you sisterly advice and sharing a room with you. Although I was a crabby teenager when you were in K+, I still loved you! I was not very nice to you when I got older. But, I love our relationship now. I love when you call me all frantic with baby questions. And, I love that you seek my advice. I don't feel qualified still to give the advice, but I love that you feel you can come to me for anything. I am so forever grateful that Heavenly Father sent me you. You helped me escape the testosterone filled atmosphere. Even though I hated Barbie's, I loved playing with them with you. You helped me find the girly side in me. I am so honored to call you my sister. You are so special. You are such an amazing wife, mother, sister, and daughter! I can't believe you are all grown up, doing grown up things...like becoming a mom! I love you Captain Nini!!!!!! I can't wait to meet your sweet little baby girl! I will call her Lieutenant Kay Kay. LOL! JK! Love you lots and lots!!!!!

 One of my favorite pic's of us two. :-)

(By the way, this pic is actually AnnMarie...I just wanted to show you the STRIKING resemblance between you and your niece. And, I am totally fine with her looking just like you. Because, let's face it...between the two of us, you are definitely the better looking sister! ;-P  )

Brothers

I am thankful for my brothers....ALL 5 of them! Life wasn't easy growing up for us and you guys definitely never made life easy for me. But, if anyone outside the family would call me a bad name or treat me with disrespect, you guys stepped up. You were the enemy but at the same time my protectors and body guards. LOL! You were also the funniest, most crazy guys I knew. I LOVED the adventures we would have whether it was roller blading, hiking, or building a bungee jump out of new bicycle tire tubes (sorry mom, LOL). And, some of my favorite memories were helping any of you figure out a video game. Or, my favorite, tackle football in the snow. Every time we played I loved watching the surprised looks on your face as I clobbered you to the ground (yes I was the smallest and a girl, but I was also the best defensive lineman you had, hahaha).
  I am so forever grateful for each and every one of you....

 

(The day we were sealed together in the Mesa, Arizona Temple)

(For the record...I hate the Raiders..LOL)

(Holy crap the 90's!)

Jacob: Our relationship is a weird one....I love you very much though. I have always looked up to you in awe. You are an amazing husband and father. You are funny and oh, so cool. LOL! You are the most patient person I have ever met. And, I am so proud of your service to this country! I am so happy that we are sealed for eternity as brother and sister.

Mike: My clown, and my wise older brother. You have always been the brother that I fell back on when the cards were down. You were like another father figure to me. I always mimicked or copied everything you did (well not everything, you did some pretty stupid crazy stunt moves in our young age). You are so kind and always so generous! You NEVER judge anyone (one of your amazing traits I have tried for years to copy...but fail miserably). You will befriend anyone you feel is being unloved or left out. You have such a big heart and have endless love for everyone, especially those who hurt you. You have the most amazing Christ like love. You are also an AMAZING Dad. I love watching you with your littles and how you play with them and never get tired of them. You are so devoted to your children, your wife, and your God. I love that about you. I am also grateful to be sealed to you for eternity. I love you my forever brother!

Nicholas: I am not sure when we stopped being best friends, it breaks my heart that we aren't close anymore. I don't know what happened in high school that caused you to dislike me so. I am so sorry we lost that relationship. I love you so much. We have been together since the preexistence. We grew together and were born together. You are my twin. And that will never change. We have a bond that no one else in our family will ever understand or share. I am so proud of you. You were the first in the Welliver family to serve a mission (and it was honorable). You served our country and fought in a war for our freedoms. I will forever me grateful for ALL of your service both religiously and in combat. You have accomplished so much is this life in so little time. Life has never been easy for you. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and people take advantage of you for that. I hate that people do that to you. I know that for some reason you don't like to be around me, but I will NEVER stop loving you. I will always be there for you when you need someone to talk to. I can't help but feel that there was a reason we were sent to our family together. I am so, so grateful for you!

Nick is top left I am bottom right.

Eric: Oh Eric, we have always been like oil and water. We are complete opposites, you and I. I am random, passionate, and a little messy at times. You have a plan for everything and are the most organized, clean person I know.  You were never nice to me the entire 13 years we lived in the same house. Everything I did made you so mad...and unfortunately you let me know it. I have forgiven you for those horrible 13 years. I do love you. And I am very proud of the man you have become. You have also had an extremely hard life and have almost died. Through it all though, you never, ever gave up. You are the strongest person I know. I love you "Peck" LOL! I am so glad to be your sister!

Seth: My little "Sether" My most tender hearted sweet little brother. I loved being your "mom" growing up. And I feel that sometimes I still am. I wish I could protect you from all the horrible things you went through as a child...(but I couldn't because those same horrible things were happening to me as well). We were the weak ones. And, at our house, it has always been "survival of the fittest." But, through it all I think you turned out to be an amazing young man. You are a little bit rougher around the edges than I would like. But, I don't blame you for putting up that shield. You are such an awesome son of God! I am, so, so, so, proud of you. You have grown into such an awesome person. I am so, so grateful for you!!! I love you forever George Henry Welliver IV!

Thank you to all my amazing brothers! I love each and every one of you forever! I am forever GRATEFUL for all of you!

Snow

  I can't believe it's snowing in November....in Oklahoma. So I am going to say how thankful and grateful I am for snow. Most people can't stand the snow. Not me! I LOVE the snow! I love the beauty, the softness, pure whiteness, and the smell (yes snow has a smell and it's lovely). I also love the sound it makes with each step I take. I also love the peacefulness it brings while walking through fresh powder. I also love how just a few inches of this beautiful white wonder that falls, can make a whole new world. A world of fun with sledding and snow ball fights, snowmen, snow angels, and just pure magic. I wished it snowed more here. I also can't help drinking huge cups of hot cocoa to warm me up after hours of fun and freezing. I know a few people who moan and groan the moment they see a few flurries (mostly because they have to drive in that stuff...which is no fun). But, I can't help but feel a little sad for those people. I know driving in it can be a hassle, but I wish they could look past that little hardship and enjoy one of Heavenly Father's most beautiful and magical creations. I don't necessarily love the cold...but if snow comes with it, I embrace it. So, today...I am thankful for the snow!

 

The view from my backyard and the hot cocoa I drank in celebration of the snow. Can't have a snowy day without cocoa! LOL

Music!

    I know I have skipped a few days of thankfulness but I have had a very stressful week. While it was stressful, I have been able to cope with everything through music.
    As long as I can remember, music has been my therapy, my friend, my free advise, my wise companion, my mood, and well, part of who I am.  I believe I got my love of music from my Dad. He was in band and passed his talents and love of music to my siblings and I. As a child I remember my Dad constantly singing, humming, or whistling a tune. Whether he made the tune up himself or not, he constantly had a song in his head. I love him for that. I love that he instilled in me a love for music. Because of him I decided to play cello and taught myself to play piano. My father also has a great singing voice. I used to LOVE hearing him sing hymns in church or listen to him sing to me. Two of my favorites were "I'm trying to be like Jesus,"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ADqwIiHYqU and, my absolute favorite, "I believe in Christ." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stge7KqgEN8)
  Also, as long as I remember, music has helped me get through EVERYTHING! Even house chores. My parents would wake us up every Saturday morning with music....that was our cue that it was time to get up and CLEAN. I loved it! I loved waking up every Saturday to that music. I still didn't like cleaning but that music made it FUN! I will post some of my favorites that we listened to;
1. The Monkees: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU615FaODCg
2. Michael Jackson:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzZ_urpj4As
3. The Best of Bread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24IfD-0VUu4 (this one is kind of sad, but for some reason it's one of my favorites...)
4. Whitney Houston: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH3giaIzONA
5. Celine Dion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4p_3scB_8c (love this one!)
  Those were some fun Saturdays! Along with chores, music has helped me through the hardest times in my life. Even as a teenager, I made some horrible mistakes and awful choices. As, a result I had some serious repenting to go through and I did not fully understand the repentance process. Music helped me to better understand godly sorrow, and what the atonement truly means. It also helped me through this time to gain a testimony of the gospel on my own (instead of using my parents testimony). These songs helped me through those times (one of the links is an entire EFY album, but I suggest listening to the whole thing. I love every song on there! They each helped me and touched my soul).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Fu7sgsyFB4,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pEpeldr0NU.
   Later in life I was still figuring out who I was and made some EXTREMELY questionable choices. I was engaged once before (he was atheist). Three years I was with him, I tried to help him find faith in Christ, but the more I prayed the more I realized it wasn't going to work. Then I heard this song, and it help me to make the ultimate decision to end things; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhjUq7YvF88.
   Right after that time in my life I found the love of my life and this song made so much sense to me and related to me exactly!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-vZlrBYLSU Well first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes..... Before I knew it, I was about to have my first child and was about to be a mother for the first time.  As I was driving to the hospital to be induced, I listened to this song, over, and over!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMl8cQjBfqk The title is so appropriate, it's called "The Adventure." And, what an amazing adventure it has been!
  Unfortunately, along with being a mother, postpartum depression has hit me with 2 of the 4 children I've had (Matthew and Payton). I don't remember what music helped me get through Matthew's (it was pretty bad with him), but with Payton it wasn't as severe. I was able to recognize the problem and was able to cope better. This song came on the radio (I think it was a gift from a loving Heavenly Father),https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T9apksOv6k and it was as if the depression just lifted off my shoulders right then. I went home and downloaded the song right away. And, the moment the depression would tried to creep back, I played that song and was instantly soothed.
   I have always had a hard time hearing that still small voice to guide me where I need to go. I believe that Heavenly Father knows that, and gives me revelation through music. There are times when I really need to hear something and it doesn't matter how many times someone will tell me, I won't get it. But, I hear a song that has the same message and BAM I get it! Like recently, I have been having a hard time letting go of the hurt in my heart over someone else's actions. My husband told me to just let it go, so did a few other people. I just COULD NOT DO IT. As, much as I prayed and tried, it wouldn't happen. Then today as I was driving this song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM) came on back to back on different stations. Of, course it was exactly what I needed to hear and has made all the difference. So...I'm just going to "shake it off," and every time my brain tries to start thinking about it, I listen to the song and feel better instantly.
 I am so, so, so, so, so thankful for music! It has been a beacon for me at times. I relate my life to different songs and it is my therapy. So, if you are talking to me and there is a really good song that starts playing....don't be offended if I shush you or stop listening to you altogether....I literally can't help myself. That is how much I love music...it's the only thing (besides the temple of course, LOL) that helps me tune out the world and helps me feel at peace.
  And, if you are wondering...my favorite band is Weezer and this is one of my favorite songs by them (and I have many favorites).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTJuGxhGGMc Yes, this song is about a spider....and I think it's hilarious.

And just for a little treat...this is my current favorite song (it contains a little cussing...so don't listen if there are little ears around).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk  I can relate to this song. LOL

HAPPY LISTENING!!!

 



  

Day 6

Ten months ago I was in the hospital, experiencing for the fourth time, the magical moment of child birth. Into my life came another beautiful baby girl. She is my most high maintenance baby by far! But she is cute as a button and loud as a dog whistle (LOL yes she can get that high pitched). She is not even one yet and already loves princesses and anything girly. She might be my most girly girl yet. She also already has my love of music. Every time any song or beat comes on she starts to dance....which is the most adorable thing I've ever seen (I am probably being biased though). She really is a huge bundle of joy stuck in the tiniest petite body. She is so smart also. I am very thankful for my beautiful baby. She has brought me so much joy through this year of hard times. I love my AnnaMaria (that's what I call her sometimes). I am so thankful for my rug rat. :-)